I fell off my skateboard yesterday and got injured pretty badly.. I didn’t think it was bad but the morning after everything is hurting 10 times worse.
I twisted my wrist when I landed and cut both of my hands too.. and then my leg is scraped pretty badly T_____T
Wow I can’t believe summer’s already here. I was making plans so that I’d have a project to do over the summer and not just lay around doing nothing but then unfortunate events occurred and it totally put me at a standstill. I couldn’t function for days. The only accomplishing thing I’ve done in the past few days is lose nearly 10 pounds. That’s still something to work on I guess. Losing more weight. I was going to get a job but all the applications I turned in were barely looked at -.- and now I’m stuck. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’m still going to run around looking for a job.
Another accomplishing thing I’ve done is I made it through my finals! Even though all I could think about was what happened.. I managed to do pretty good on my finals. Now I just gotta hope for the best that I didn’t fail. I’m especially proud of myself for staying strong at the end of precalc. I feel pretty good about the final. Ughhh anyways I’m happy overall that I became a stronger person relying on my own abilities. I was weak before and I couldn’t be in my own, but that’s changed now.
I think I’ll start painting or drawing this summer. Something artistic. Another goal I have is to watch the Great Gatsby :( haven’t seen it yet.
Ahhhh this summer I have to start college essays and college visits omfg. My mom says I need to learn how to drive and my dad is like no. -.- seriously…
Okay so I’m seriously about to start mediating to find my inner peace. I need to reach Nirvana this summer like forreal. That’s my goal. Reading more about Buddhism since I accidentally stole a book from my school library and never returned it… Oops.
I’m really motivated now to be a positive person and live a life with no regrets. I’m going to work really hard to prove to someone I’m worth it. It’s not going to be easy but I’m someone who doesn’t give up when it counts.
So I don’t know what this summer has in store for me but I’m hoping to make it a great one despite all the bad things that have been happening around here. I’m not going to waste this summer like all the other years.
I can already tell at this moment that from now on I won’t ever be the same.. and I will probably get into worse situations..
Without someone to care about me and set me straight.. I’m nothing. Why didn’t I realize that before.. that everything I am today is because he gave me that confidence and the motivation to go on.. Everything I ever did was because he pushed me to.. and he believed in me.. But now what do I have. Absolutely nothing. I have nothing. I have no family to go to. Unreliable friends. I have nothing left to live for and it’s all my fault.
I let myself get like that. It’s no one’s fault but mine.. I really hate myself right now because of the decisions I’ve made. I want to just kill myself right now..
I lost someone I loved the most today because of stupid actions. I lost someone that meant the world to me. I lost him. I love him with every ounce of me.. and this is devastating.. because I feel like there’s a giant whole in my heart. I grew to love him so much more than I love myself.. I love him to the point where I could die for him.. But this is the last straw for him. I guess he’s right to let me go.. He deserves someone who appreciates him more.. and someone who won’t hurt him..Oh my god I’m so stupid..
I’ll never forget what happened.. and why I’m currently dying inside. I just hate what I’ve done. I despise myself. I wanted so much for everything to be okay. I just wanted to have fun but I didn’t know how to control myself so I let everything get out of hand… and I did things I completely regret. I wouldn’t be me if I ever lied to him so I tell him everything.. I tell him what happens I tell him everything in my life.
I didn’t even get the chance to respond to his letter.. I didn’t even get the chance to tell him how much I love him in return. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye.. To embrace him and hold him in my arms.. tell him how much i love him. I love him..
This is such bad timing.. because I haven’t been able to talk to him at all. I haven’t been able to say anything to him.. and it just kills me.
I feel so terrible right now. I just want to put an end to everything.
do you ever have that one person who you just lost contact with because of reasons and you just wonder if they’re okay and what they’re doing with their lives now and where they’ve been and if they’ve changed and how they’ve changed and what’s still the same about them and how they look and if they ever think about you like that from time to time
because I do